Blessed are the forgetful or are they?

Ever since the first time that I watched the move 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' I have always wondered how life would be if 'Lacuna Inc' really existed. Initially I thought that it would be great. All those heartbroken, troubled souls of the would finally find some solace. I personally would have a long list of people, incidences to be wiped out of my memory. There would have been no such thing called 'moving on' or 'getting over someone' or for that matter even depressions, mental-breakdowns and all those things that we generally face when going through difficulties. Being a closet hippie, the thought made me really happy just for a moment thinking that this would be one way that peace may actually prevail.

But being a human after all made me think that there is a flipside to everything. What would the flipside to an idea as amazing as this one?

Well, then I thought that there would be innumerable drawbacks of a concept such as this. Life would be painless. There would be no difficulties. Yeah I know, it all sounds so perfect. But then again, man becomes what he is through life experiences. It is a loss of a person that teaches us to value people in our lives. It is heartbreak that lets us feel what love is. Its those difficult times in our life that teach us to value what we have. If we take the struggle and despair out of human life then I don't think there would be anything truly left to live for. Everything would be momentary. Happiness, sorrow, struggle, achievements, almost everything that makes and breaks us. And we all know how worthless momentary things are!

And as always, I tried to relate all this to my life, our world and everything around and I realised that's its not a bad thing to suffer after all! Its a sandpaper effect. All things bad just polish us and make us shine brighter and make us emerge as the diamond thats initially nothing but coal. So yeah, the moral of all this gibberish is that I have changed my perspective towards my life. I ain't looking for any 'Lacuna Inc.' and I definitely ain't a coward. I am going to face all that comes my way and come out of it shining as bright as I can.

Freedom

The wind has changed its direction. The sky looks gloomier, dark clouds encompass your vision. The touch of the cold wind however brightens the soul like never before. The icy cold rain water quenches the thirst for a change, the ever needed change for the wanderer. The shiver down the spine doesn't stop one from welcoming the sense of 'freedom'.

Freedom doesn't mean you need an escape. It doesn't mean you need to numb your senses to feel it and it definitely doesn't mean that you need to drown reality. You don't need a different landscape or a different people or a different geography. All you need is to think change, think boundless and think freedom.

The dark clouds, the pouring rain and the scathing cold wind give me the sense of freedom. When I face the sky and feel the harsh touch of the rain drops on my face, I can't resist the urge to close my eyes and say to myself; "Isn't this the beauty of freedom." It is such a moment when you realize that you feel freedom, you are too lost for words to define it or describe it. The beauty is to enjoy that moment without trying to analyze it. It is all about savoring; savoring the freedom that you feel in that moment.

Keep me in your heart for a while

No, this is not written for anyone specifically. It's just something that came to my mind while listening to the song named 'Keep me in your heart' by Warren Zevon.

Open your eyes to a new dawn
After a dark night there is always a new morn.
Look at your angelic face, it breaks my heart to even wake you up now.
I think I'll just leave, tip toe my way out of here.
Oh honey, it does tear me apart to leave you this way,
But I have my own new dawn to take care of.
Yes this is the end.
I have miles to go and can't take you along.
No you don't need my hand anymore.
Just like me, you too have places to go.
I am taking with me our whispers by the pillows,
Our kisses and tears.
Remember that day under the tree,
When you held me as my lips trembled while we kissed.
Yes I am taking with me the memories too.
There is just a small wish.
Keep some of my memories with you too.
Let me go with a smile.
And keep me in your heart for a while.

Blindfolded Destiny

"Daydream delusion, limousine eyelash.
Oh baby with your pretty face... Drop a tear in my wineglass.
Look at those big eyes. See what you mean to me..
Sweet-cakes and milkshakes.. I'm a delusion angel..I'm a fantasy parade.
I want you to know what I think. Don't want you to guess anymore.
You have no idea where I came from. We have no idea where we're going.
Lodged in life.. Like branches in a river Flowing downstream...Caught in the current.
I carry you. You'll carry me. That's how it could be.
Don't you know me? Don't you know me by now? "

This is my favorite quote from the movie Before Sunrise. If one looks at it, it might mean a little something to someone or it might be profound for another. For me, its the latter. This quote has a lot of meaning and relevance to my life. I think these few sentences would add up to almost everything that I believe in life. Those few people who know me and understand me, would know exactly why I say so. I have always been a person who lives in the present than the future. To me life is to be lived to the fullest, not by planning for that one thing and living it then, but living it now. Live it now and live it the best. Accept it the way it is. Look at the beauty of this moment. This moment might just slip away from your hands like sand before you even realize what you had. Take this moment now. Mould it into something spectacular. Why wait for those expected few moments and make sure that you remember them? Instead just let go. You might make the most ordinary moment special without even knowing that you are doing so. That will be the moment which will take you by surprise and will get traced in your memory forever. One more quote which explains this perfectly is the one from the movie Fight Club. "This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. "

Live, laugh and love. Love with all that you have. Do not hold back. If you love someone, you may or may not be loved back. Do not expect anything in return. Do not expect anyone and everyone to understand you and your thoughts. This was an important one. I wouldn't have realized the gravity of this thought until today and until some time back. What I understood today is that one might love a person, but to really love someone, you have to learn to love that person's flaws. Quite a lot of times I feel, why think of a future with a person when you have a beautiful present at your hand at this moment? I somehow feel that, it is the thought of a future with another person that ruins the best of loving relationships. When you think of a future, you start expecting a certain kind of behavior from the other person and when that person fails to behave so, you feel wronged. Instead why not just flow in the river of time, lodged like the the branches flowing downstream. Yes, just like those branches. They are entwined just like two lovers lost in each others' eyes with arms locked together. They are flowing down the stream of time. Neither one knows where they are headed to. I'll carry you and you'll carry me. Lets just be. Be in this moment. Lets love passionately as if there is no tomorrow. Why care about attaining and achieving that perfect future, when the present moment is in our hands?

I want to live free, passionately and in this moment. I want to love. Love, that binding and yet free kind of love. I want to create that special moment with you right now. Who knows what lies in the future? If at all we separate, I will have the best of your memories with me forever. Sometimes it is better to live the present with one another beautifully, and when you wave goodbye, you know you didn't ruin the charm and beauty of that love by adding the burden of expectations or holding on to it for too long. I think you will know me soon or maybe never. Any which ways, I will love you, without expecting you to understand me. Just love me back today, intimately and passionately. I do not know about tomorrow...

Jaded ♥ 's

Note: This post is not written by me. It is written by my beloved friend Drishty Tanwar (the frizzy haired dodo, that's her) for me. I love you :)

All the twisted friends inside my head keep me sane.
The cynicism of my thought sickens me.
To the bone.
And I ignite with the fire that burns down the mask I'd rather wear to get through my days.
And I scream with the silence of a thousand broken smiles - take me away from here.
I weave dreams of the life I'd rather be living with the bitterness of all that could've been.
I find my happiness in the smallest, the silliest things that probably don't exist, but in my head they're so potent.
I startle pedestrians, I scare little children, I shock old people, I am an unbelievable version of me.. so amazing, I'm almost real.
I laugh till my stomach hurts at my own notions of life, love and learning.
I'm complacent, but I care.
I'm stubborn, but I grow.
I'm selfish, but I love unconditionally.
I'm obsessed, but I let go.
I'm free, but I'm grounded.
I'm alone, but not lonely.
I'm bitter, but I don't waste my time on hate.
I'm wronged, but I hope.
I'm weak, but I'm determined.
I'm flawed, but I'm rational.
*my life, my problem.*
don't judge me, correct me.
don't pity me, accept me.
don't leave me, let me.
don't hate me 'cuz I'm not special...'cuz darlin', neither are you :]

Hopeless Dreams

Some say you should accept whatever you are born with. Some say with things, people and even on your own, you can make a change. We all know how difficult that is. Things are just things. They might give you temporary happiness. One can try and change what he or she is born with, but that takes immense effort and pain. I always chose to change things on my own, make my own path and to find my own happiness. But what happens when you meet someone who wants to help you in your endeavour. What then? I say beware of such people. These are the people who think they know you well. They think they understand you well. They promise you zillion things. They promise you happiness and moreover the worst thing they do is they make you dream once again. I say once again because I had stopped dreaming. Especially about certain things such as love, family and a life different than what I have. I had prepared myself to live life alone and independent. I knew my course of life. I knew I could live alone without a loving family or people whom I can call family. I had made sure I think of achievable and realistic goals. I never wanted a lavish life or a very high goal. I have a very practical reason behind it. Once you have money, property and everything else, you feel the need to have people around you and if you don't get those kind of people around you then all that you earned and achieved stops making sense. Hence, I rather chose a comfortable small house and a well paying, satisfactory job as my goal. I never dreamed that some one would love me a lot and that I would have a happy life and future with that person. I don't like to dream such things. It is just not realistic. Love and family are two things which I was never destined to get in life. And hence I continued believing so until that one person came into my life.
DREAMS. Take it from me, dreams are the worst thing humans thought of. He asked me to let go of the wall around me. He taught me to dream again. He gave me HOPE, another deceiving word. What we women don't understand is that men just pretend to understand us. In reality they can't make head or tail of what we say and do. And if that woman is me, then it gets all the more complicated. I am not a predictable person and I am impulsive and on the side of crazy. One definitely has to put in a lot of effort to completely understand me. So yes, this person believed that he understood me well and needless to say, he was wrong. Just one crazy whim of mine and he was blown off.
Now what happened to all those promises? What happened to those DREAMS?
It all goes down the drain. Now that person probably has nothing much to lose as such, but he taught me to dream and to dwell hopes. Now how do I go back to my old self? How do I stop dreaming? I don't know how and when I will be successful in being what I was before meeting him. I think only time can tell.

Masks, Faces and People

I can see masks every where. Faces behind masks..people behind faces. Pretensions all around make me wonder what the truth is. Too many similar masks and too many similar faces. Brown eyes everywhere..light brown, hazel brown, dark brown. The unmistakable fragrance. Is it really you or its just my mind playing up again? I have cocooned myself in my small little world. I sometimes wonder why. Is it because I am someone like this or was it you who made me so? I meet people everyday everywhere. Some are familiar faces and some are familiar masks. Some are a novelty and some are just a chore. There are some which stand apart. It is always these people that intrigue me. They are like this enormous jigsaw puzzle and by the time I fit in the last few pieces..it somehow gets scattered and then again its an unsolved jigsaw puzzle. Is it that I fail to put in the last few pieces or do these puzzles keep on changing. I think, the latter must be true. After all, these are people and people do change. What strikes as funny to me is how rapidly masks change to faces..faces to people and then people to masks again. Its like an unending vicious circle.